Getting Away With Murder
by TheRightWordsToSay
Summary: One shot of Addison after Derek leaves her.


**Title:** Getting Away With Murder  
**Starring:** Addison  
**Rating:** PG-13 (An 'F' bomb)  
**Summary:** After Derek leaves her…the first time.  
**Disclaimer:** Yep they're mine! Well, I like to pretend they are, but don't tell Shonda or anyone at Shondaland…or anyone at ABC for that matter.

"_If you go now_…"

She doesn't know what she was thinking when she said that. She knew he was going to leave. This was the opportunity he's been waiting for. An excuse to walk out that door, that's all he wanted. The worst part isn't even what she did, it's that she let him win. She gave him what he wanted by fucking up so bad he could walk out. If she really thinks about it, she doesn't know why she begged him to stay and let her explain. He was miserable and by default made her that way as well. When she was around him she wasn't Addison anymore. She doesn't even know who or what she was the past few months, besides drunk. It's almost ironic how as of late the only thing that makes her feel better is a cold bottle in her hand, but tonight, when she made arguably the worst decision of her life, she didn't consume a drop of alcohol. Well, until now.

She sits on the floor of the kitchen with her back against the cabinets cherishing every last drop. If it could take away the pain every other night why not now? She's roughly half way through the bottle when a single tear falls down her cheek. Confusion takes over as to why she's crying when a tear hasn't been shed since he left. She doesn't even know why she cried then. She got caught. Isn't that what she wanted all along? She was trying to attract attention so why would she cry when she got it? Maybe it was the shock and pure embarrassment of being caught. Maybe it was the initial fear of what he would tell people and what they would think of her. He would show her no mercy seeing as she committed an act reeking of nothing but unadulterated hate. The sickest part is that she got away with it. She didn't get struck by lightning and no one can throw her in jail, but she knew there were surely punishments coming her way. After all, karma is a bitch. For now though, she was safe. She was safe inside the scene of the crime and no one could cross the yellow tape unless she said so.

She takes another drink from the bottle and a few drops fall onto her leg reminding her she's in underwear and a t-shirt and freezing her ass off. She thinks about how nice her bed would feel, but oh wait, he threw all that crap out in the rain. She pulls herself off the floor not realizing how much she drank until she is leaning up against the counter trying to gain her balance. The room spins a little faster than she'd like but slow enough for her to make it to the freezer and put her new partner in crime to bed.

She turns around and catches a glimpse of her pathetic figure in a mirror in the bathroom off the kitchen. _This is it_ she thinks to herself. Right now in this moment she understands the capacity of what she has done. She can't even look at herself, even from this distance. Makeup running down her face, hair still damp, a t-shirt barely covering her body. She's a mess. A colossal mess, which is exactly what her life is now. Looking at her reflection she understands why he left her. She's the epitome of disaster. Everything she once had is now gone. Family, friends, husband: All gone because she decided to play Russian roulette. In reality they all played for quite some time, but she just happened to be the one to pull the trigger when the round was actually loaded. The tears start to fall when she realizes that she actually was the one who put an end to everything. She's all alone and that feeling echoes as she makes her way to the couch.

She stops when she reaches the front door. She wonders who she'll be on the other side of it from now on; if anyone will actually talk to her with the scarlet letter branded on her for all of eternity. Not knowing who she is and where she stands are things that she has never really thought about before. For the first time in her life she's unsure on both counts. Once she steps through the threshold she is giving those on the other side all the power. She hasn't been anything but Mrs. Shepherd _outside _this house from quite sometime. And starting tomorrow she'll step back into the unfamiliar as she tries to figure out where to go from here; where they'll all go from here.

The couch calls her name and she calmly walks over to it. She thinks about how the living room is exactly the same as it was when she came home earlier that evening. The last time she was in there, everything in her life still had its place. It amazes her that some things have the ability to remain the same after the events that have taken place. Nothing has moved and nothing has been touched but in reality it's all destroyed and will never be the same.


End file.
